Major Life Goal: Becoming an illustrator for Magic:the Gathering/Wizards of the Coast
Fears/Uncertainties about why I haven't taken action:
1. Fear of rejection/lack of skill
2. Fear of being kicked out of my house
3. Fear of not getting my art made into a card
Reasons for each fear:
1. Fear of rejection/lack of skill
- There is a high level of talent for those currently illustrating the game now
- I'm worried that my portfolio isn't good enough right now
- I don't have much of this sort of work under my belt
2. Fear of being kicked out of my house
- If I spend a lot of time working on a new portfolio, I'll lose out on other, more pressing income opportunities
- I don't know how long it would take me to paint a whole new portfolio
- I need a job now
3. Fear of not getting my art made into a card
- What if they just give me a kill fee since they end up not liking the final artwork?
- My style might not be what they're looking for
- Irrational fear of not measuring up
Well, the answer to most of these is to keep painting stuff on the side and learn to like my art regardless of what other people think. huzzah!
Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”
(Author: Sean Ogle)
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Monday, July 4, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Facing (and Fearing)
1. The cost of inaction is getting stuck, slowly withering away at an unfulfilling job that isn't making much money. I'll grow old and be forever stuck at this level of poopiness. I'll work retail at least for the next five years and be stuck there potentially until I'm at least 50 or so.
2. The type of person I want to be is someone who is courageous, intelligent, and successful. I want to be someone who calls my own shots and waits for no one else but myself.
3. In the event of failure, which could be a total loss of income resulting in being evicted, the only possibly outcome is that I might have to move someplace else and break up with Eve and basically lose everything. I guess completely starting your life over, in debt, and in a new city might be a good thing, but honestly, not sure if it is.
2. The type of person I want to be is someone who is courageous, intelligent, and successful. I want to be someone who calls my own shots and waits for no one else but myself.
3. In the event of failure, which could be a total loss of income resulting in being evicted, the only possibly outcome is that I might have to move someplace else and break up with Eve and basically lose everything. I guess completely starting your life over, in debt, and in a new city might be a good thing, but honestly, not sure if it is.
Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions:
1) “What are the costs of inaction?” I find it can be helpful to fight fear with fear. Fears of acting are easily and immediately articulated by our “lizard brains” (thanks Seth) e.g. what if I fail? what if I look stupid? If you systematically and clearly list the main costs of inaction, they will generally overshadow your immediate fears.
2) “What kind of person do I want to be?” I’ve found this question to be extremely useful. I admire people who act bravely and decisively. I know the only way to join their ranks is to face decisions that scare me. By seeing my actions as a path to becoming something I admire, I am more likely to act and make the tough calls.
3) “In the event of failure, could I generate an alterative positive outcome?” Imagine yourself failing to an extreme. What could you learn or do in that situation to make it a positive experience? We are generally so committed to the results we seek at the outset of a task or project that we forget about all the incredible value and experience that comes from engaging the world proactively, learning, and improving our circumstances as we go along.
(Author: Dan Andrews)
Friday, June 17, 2011
Dreams
Top 3 dreams:
-1. Showing at top-tier galleries internationally
-2. Illustrating for Magic:the Gathering
-3. Having to hire people to print ties for me due to having wholesale orders in the thousands
What's holding me back?
Not having a spare $200,000 for the loans. Not having a portfolio of Magic:the Gathering-level stuff. Not promoting my ties outside of San Francisco. A day job that prevents me from working on these goals in a timely manner. Not making new packaging for my ties. Not having a linesheet yet. Fear. Being too tired to work on the shared Wacom during the evenings. Fear, again.
Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them.
(Author: Michael Rad)
-1. Showing at top-tier galleries internationally
-2. Illustrating for Magic:the Gathering
-3. Having to hire people to print ties for me due to having wholesale orders in the thousands
What's holding me back?
Not having a spare $200,000 for the loans. Not having a portfolio of Magic:the Gathering-level stuff. Not promoting my ties outside of San Francisco. A day job that prevents me from working on these goals in a timely manner. Not making new packaging for my ties. Not having a linesheet yet. Fear. Being too tired to work on the shared Wacom during the evenings. Fear, again.
Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them.
(Author: Michael Rad)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Doing the thing I fear
What do you fear? I fear not making it just by selling my ties and paintings and living off my art. I fear not being able to survive on that alone.
Was the insecurity worth it? No. Your fear was unheeded, your worries (while legitimate) were just that-worries. You won't be happy if you aren't doing what you're really doing. All this filler that you've created in your life to keep yourself busy is unnecessary. Just frickin' paint and tell stories and do your thing that the rest will come. Believe me. In 10 years, any failures or blunders or mistakes won't matter, although I can't tell for sure since you'll be your true self a lot sooner than you think.
You just have to cut out all the other stuff in your life that's getting in your way. Stop blaming other things and do the work. Just go out there, do the work, and fucking enjoy the ride already.
Ug, I think this post was the hardest for me to write yet, which shows me that I really don't believe in myself yet. While I have to trust that I can do it, I found it incredibly difficult to tell myself that everything will be okay if you just do the work. I don't see myself making the type of money I need to do the things I want to do in the timeframe that I would need to, but I'm not sure which way to play this. Do the alarm bells in my head mean that I need to just grab a knife and throw myself into the shark-infested deep side of the pool, or do I need to stay in the shallow side until I at least can cobble together a spear gun? Arrrrggggg, having faith in yourself is hard!!!
Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:
Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?
Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?
Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?
Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.
(Author: Lachlan Cotter)
Was the insecurity worth it? No. Your fear was unheeded, your worries (while legitimate) were just that-worries. You won't be happy if you aren't doing what you're really doing. All this filler that you've created in your life to keep yourself busy is unnecessary. Just frickin' paint and tell stories and do your thing that the rest will come. Believe me. In 10 years, any failures or blunders or mistakes won't matter, although I can't tell for sure since you'll be your true self a lot sooner than you think.
You just have to cut out all the other stuff in your life that's getting in your way. Stop blaming other things and do the work. Just go out there, do the work, and fucking enjoy the ride already.
Ug, I think this post was the hardest for me to write yet, which shows me that I really don't believe in myself yet. While I have to trust that I can do it, I found it incredibly difficult to tell myself that everything will be okay if you just do the work. I don't see myself making the type of money I need to do the things I want to do in the timeframe that I would need to, but I'm not sure which way to play this. Do the alarm bells in my head mean that I need to just grab a knife and throw myself into the shark-infested deep side of the pool, or do I need to stay in the shallow side until I at least can cobble together a spear gun? Arrrrggggg, having faith in yourself is hard!!!
Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:
Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?
Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?
Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?
Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.
(Author: Lachlan Cotter)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
5/05/10
I did this quick little guy in conjunction for our post over at Monkey + Seal regarding fear and how you need to get over that shit ASAP. I'd go check it out if I were you, just cuz I'm too lazy to rewrite the whole thing here. Go go go!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Following the dream
So I tend to do things half-assed (at least in my opinion), and I'm sick of it.
The road to becoming a successful artist has been a difficult and long one. You could feasibly say that the road started when my mom enrolled me in summer art classes (which I LOVED, btw) in elementary school.
Eventually, I realized that society says that you need to go to college. Since my family was struggling financially, I realized that I needed good grades and tons of shit on my resume to get scholarships and grants and admission to a "good" school where I could make money and be happy, because, you know, if you grow up worrying about money, you think that money can buy happiness.
So, instead of pursuing art (I did enter a few little art events here and there, but not taking my work seriously), I did the academic route. Valedictorian, 1400+ SATs, blah blah blah. I got into UC Berkeley's prestigious College of Chemistry, and then proceeded to fail my first semester because I hated my classes so much.
But, instead of switching to art or theater, I ended up going the route of switching majors to Integrative Biology. Another half-assed move. I graduated Cal, then decided that I don't really want to do anything with biology (although doing biological illustrations might be sorta cool), and, thanks to Eve's support, enrolled in the Academy of Art.
When I first enrolled in art school, I started out in the Graphic Design department. After all, if you get a degree in graphic design, you can get hired into a firm as a junior designer and your career begins as an artist.
But fuck, I didn't want to kern type and mess with leading and all that crap (although I end up doing it when I design stuff anyway) - the fact is that I wanted to paint.
But, since painting is a hard profession (ever hear the term "starving artist?" I do...like every frickin' day of my life), I decided to go into Illustration. As I learned draftsmanship (yes, contrary to a lot of my work, I actually CAN draw if the need arises), I realized that I still wasn't happy. I didn't want to draw what other people tell me to - I want to draw and paint what I want to draw and paint. So after taking some fine art classes, I talked to my department chair (thanks, Chuck!) and switched my curriculum over to Fine Art.
Now that all my senior-level classes have been in the Fine Art department, I've realized that I still have this huge chip on my shoulder about technical art making. I still feel pressure to draw photo-realistically or to have super-tight registration in my prints, even if it's not what I want to do.
I want to make art that I want to make, on my terms, when, where, and how I want to do it. Yes, it's selfish, but if you aren't selfish, how are your dreams ever going to come true? My last two classes at the Academy are Quick Studies and Silkscreen 2.
Quick Studies is taught by the super fucking talented Craig Nelson and Tomutsu Takashima, and if I wanted to, could learn how to paint realistically quicker and more effectively. Watching them paint is awe-inspiring. Silkscreen 2 is taught by Carrie Ann Plank, the printmaking department chair whose critiques and feedback are amazing. I should be super, super happy to be in these classes.
However, I don't want to paint realistically. I don't want to work on my book arts project. I want to paint monsters and people saying "your mom." I want to print pandas and monsters and clowns saying "go eff yourself." Is it a waste of my money (the $11k loan I took out?) to stay in these classes if I'm not going to take advantage of all the instruction and the critiques? Perhaps. But my little artist heart can't fucking take it anymore. My priorities have shifted.
I'm too busy running a craft fair and trying to make my own art that appeals to my little inner artistic child. Fear (of failure, bad grades, teacher disapproval, of not selling my art) has mucked things up long enough. No more half-assed following my dreams.
I'm going to stop caring whether or not people think I can't paint or print. I'm going to stop caring about whether or not my instructors think I'm wasting my talent or my money or whatever. I'm going to paint what I want, I'm going to print what I want, and that's that.
I have a sign on my desk that says "What would you do, if you weren't afraid?" It's time to actually do what I would do if I wasn't afraid and stop caring about my grades. Yes, I'm fine with failing my last two senior classes at the Academy. I'm not going to graduate anyway, so what do I really have to lose? Not much.
The road to becoming a successful artist has been a difficult and long one. You could feasibly say that the road started when my mom enrolled me in summer art classes (which I LOVED, btw) in elementary school.
Eventually, I realized that society says that you need to go to college. Since my family was struggling financially, I realized that I needed good grades and tons of shit on my resume to get scholarships and grants and admission to a "good" school where I could make money and be happy, because, you know, if you grow up worrying about money, you think that money can buy happiness.
So, instead of pursuing art (I did enter a few little art events here and there, but not taking my work seriously), I did the academic route. Valedictorian, 1400+ SATs, blah blah blah. I got into UC Berkeley's prestigious College of Chemistry, and then proceeded to fail my first semester because I hated my classes so much.
But, instead of switching to art or theater, I ended up going the route of switching majors to Integrative Biology. Another half-assed move. I graduated Cal, then decided that I don't really want to do anything with biology (although doing biological illustrations might be sorta cool), and, thanks to Eve's support, enrolled in the Academy of Art.
When I first enrolled in art school, I started out in the Graphic Design department. After all, if you get a degree in graphic design, you can get hired into a firm as a junior designer and your career begins as an artist.
But fuck, I didn't want to kern type and mess with leading and all that crap (although I end up doing it when I design stuff anyway) - the fact is that I wanted to paint.
But, since painting is a hard profession (ever hear the term "starving artist?" I do...like every frickin' day of my life), I decided to go into Illustration. As I learned draftsmanship (yes, contrary to a lot of my work, I actually CAN draw if the need arises), I realized that I still wasn't happy. I didn't want to draw what other people tell me to - I want to draw and paint what I want to draw and paint. So after taking some fine art classes, I talked to my department chair (thanks, Chuck!) and switched my curriculum over to Fine Art.
Now that all my senior-level classes have been in the Fine Art department, I've realized that I still have this huge chip on my shoulder about technical art making. I still feel pressure to draw photo-realistically or to have super-tight registration in my prints, even if it's not what I want to do.
I want to make art that I want to make, on my terms, when, where, and how I want to do it. Yes, it's selfish, but if you aren't selfish, how are your dreams ever going to come true? My last two classes at the Academy are Quick Studies and Silkscreen 2.
Quick Studies is taught by the super fucking talented Craig Nelson and Tomutsu Takashima, and if I wanted to, could learn how to paint realistically quicker and more effectively. Watching them paint is awe-inspiring. Silkscreen 2 is taught by Carrie Ann Plank, the printmaking department chair whose critiques and feedback are amazing. I should be super, super happy to be in these classes.
However, I don't want to paint realistically. I don't want to work on my book arts project. I want to paint monsters and people saying "your mom." I want to print pandas and monsters and clowns saying "go eff yourself." Is it a waste of my money (the $11k loan I took out?) to stay in these classes if I'm not going to take advantage of all the instruction and the critiques? Perhaps. But my little artist heart can't fucking take it anymore. My priorities have shifted.
I'm too busy running a craft fair and trying to make my own art that appeals to my little inner artistic child. Fear (of failure, bad grades, teacher disapproval, of not selling my art) has mucked things up long enough. No more half-assed following my dreams.
I'm going to stop caring whether or not people think I can't paint or print. I'm going to stop caring about whether or not my instructors think I'm wasting my talent or my money or whatever. I'm going to paint what I want, I'm going to print what I want, and that's that.
I have a sign on my desk that says "What would you do, if you weren't afraid?" It's time to actually do what I would do if I wasn't afraid and stop caring about my grades. Yes, I'm fine with failing my last two senior classes at the Academy. I'm not going to graduate anyway, so what do I really have to lose? Not much.
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